A Modern Hannah's Heart: My Labor of Love

It has offically been one week now since the long-awaited arrival of our princess! I can't believe how fast that week flew by! I've heard over, and over how fast these sweet moments pass by, but I never knew how true it was before the past 7 days.

To say that her birth was a "magical" time would be VERY unrealistic. In fact, it was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. Let me explain...

When I reached the third trimester in my pregnancy, I no longer enjoyed it. I wasn't one of those women who loves being pregnant and feeling their baby expand into every available crevice. No, I was READY for her to come out as soon as we reached month 7. However, I know for a baby to be born healthy, they need to be at least 37 weeks. So, I (rather unpatiently) waited on the BLESSED week 37 before I started trying to jump start my labor.

Up to that point, I felt NOTHING. Not even Braxton-Hicks contractions. I was convinced my super-chill-in-the-womb princess was going to go past her due date...and that made me VERY unhappy. I was so ready to be able to fit in normal clothes, and excercise my waist down to normal size. So...I started doing those recommend things to start labor. My favorite was bouncing on my yoga ball at night while Kev and I watched our favorite shows.

Tuesday night, September 16, Kev and I were in the den watching our show and I was steady bouncing. I bounced for a good hour probably while my husband laughed at how silly I looked. (Just imagine my HUGE, fat self sitting on top of a yoga ball...like an elephant at a circus.) My bedtime slowly approached so Kev and I went to bed and he finished watching his show while I drifted off to sleep.

For the last trimester, due to lack of space in my abdominal cavity, I had to wake up and pee at least 4 times during the night. This night was no different. I woke up, just as Kev's show went off (around midnight). He cut the TV off and rolled over to drift off himself, and I went to the restroom. After I did my business I was walking back into the bedroom when I felt this "trickle" down my leg. My first thought was "GREAT. Here we go again...leakage." However, as I turned back towards the bathroom a huge gush of water happened. It was so much I thought this HAD to be it.

I called Kevin (who bless his heart) had just laid down. His response was "Are you serious? I just thought: 'I hope it doesn't happen tonight, because I'm exhausted' ". Poor guy...little did he know. He immediately began calling my mom, his mom, and our doula. As he called, I tried to get clean, do my make-up, and gather my toiletries. Meanwhile, my water gushed 3 more times! Kev tried helping me clean it up and every time we would get it done, it happened again! It was comical...I kept laughing about it, but Kev was so anxious, he all but dragged me to the car.

I had to change clothes 4 times between the bedroom and the car! I finally decided I would just have to waddle into the hospital with a towel wrapped around me...and so I did. Legit. The nurses were greatly entertained upon our arrival. Then the fun began...

The original plan was to labor at home as long as possible, but when your water breaks...that's not a choice. At least not according to my doctor. So, we got admitted, I gave them my VERY DETAILED birth plan, and we waited.

I was having contractions...couldn't feel them though. So, Kev and I just rested. After about 7 hours of no progress, the nurses and doctors suggested getting Pitocin. I was vehemently against it because I have heard how much more intense your labor is with it, and my goal was to go all natural. Well, things didn't progress and I was eventually convinced that it was necessary to have the Pitocin, because things weren't happening and the water was broken so the baby HAD to come out. So, they started me off at a 2 (out of 30). Every hour or so, they would come in and bump the dose up by 2. (I eventually made it all the way up to 24!)

Contractions finally became noticable around dose 12. My doula, Mom, and Kevin were WONDERFUL! They took turns helping with with different pain coping methods...all of them just as tired as I was I'm sure. Labor was slow, and steady...for about 25 hours I endured the pain minus ANY food, drink, or sleep. I went through 3 doctors on shift, 5 meals, and 4 nurses. Then, the pain became unbearable. I was literally out of my mind delirious with pain...terrifying my mother and Kevin, I'm sure. I finally told my doula I needed something to help me manage the pain.

I gave her my "code word" (the word that said I'm not joking I've had ENOUGH) and they got the nurse to come in and deliver some pain reliever. I'm not sure what it was called, but she said it would "take the edge off". It didn't. In my delirium, I remember telling her it wasn't working, that I needed more. She hit me with that stuff THREE times. Nothing. It just made me very sleepy so that I could feel the pain but was barely awake enough to respond to it...kind of like a terrible nightmare that you are struggling to wake from, and you just can't.

After I realized that wasn't working, I told them I needed to be checked because everything I've read has said when you reach that point of "I can't go on" you're in transition, and almost ready to push. Well, I hadn't been checked in several hours, and I was at 4 cm then (at 20 hours of labor). So, in the midst of my contractions, which were unbearably painful, they checked me and said, "I'll give you a 5cm or a squishy 6cm". That did it. That was it. My breaking point.

Bring. On. The. EPIDURAL. I told the nurses I wanted it NOW! I asked how long it would take, and I remember one oh-so-sweet girl looking at me and saying, "it usually takes about 20 minutes." She really should have thought about that answer. My response: "NO! NO! NO! THAT'S TOO LONG! I NEED IT NOW! I NEED IT NOW! GET IT NOW! PLEASE! I NEED IT NOW!"

So, at hour 30 I finally got an epidural. I'm a control freak. I don't like feeling out of control. I HATE going to the dentist office for a filling and having numb mouth for hours. Drives me crazy. BUT I will say...that epidural was a sweet, sweet, relief. I remember immediately looking over at my momma and saying, "Momma, you're my hero. I don't know how you did this 6 times. I didn't think I would like not feeling my legs, Momma, but right now...I LOOOOVE it. It feels like a real warm blanket is over them and now I want to sleep." And sleep I did...for about 2 hours before they woke me up to try and push.

I ending up pushing for 2 more hours before the THIRD doctor came in an suggested some "assistance". Namely, using a vaccum to get that baby girl out. My first thought was "NO! What about her head?!" And then I thought, "34 hours is long enough. Let's get this baby out!" So, I relented and with the doctor's help, Elsirae Hudson Boatwright was FINALLY born at 9:37am 34 hours after my water broke. Whew! And we thought we were tired at midnight Tuesday night!!!

Of course, just as I suspected, as soon as I saw her sweet face, all that pain and torture was forgotten. I have never seen anything so perfect in all my life. The miraculous thing is that not ONE of the three doctors suggested a c-section. I thought surely it was coming...but every time they checked the baby for signs of distress, they kept looking shocked and saying, "I have NEVER seen such a happy baby! She is perfectly content." Never did she ever show any signs of distress. What a miracle.

As I reflect on this experience, I have to say...nothing went according to my very stipulated plan. NOTHING. I've really got to stop planning for myself...because AS ALWAYS God has His own plan for us, and though I feel like I will NEVER understand, I know He knows best.

The story of Elsirae's birth is much like the story of her conception. A lot of pain, a lot of time, a lot of tears and frustration. But, after all that...she is such a breath of fresh air. Such a laid back and easy princess. As in my pregnancy, she is as chill as ever. No complications. Perfect health. Beautiful. As in her conception...the hardest part was always getting her here.

I'm so glad she's finally here and I can't wait to see the plan that God has for her...Mommy is not even going to TRY to think about it!

Here are some of my favorite moments from that almost-week-long ordeal: