Awkward. Turtle.

  

Today is week 15, and Baby B is the size of an avocado!

   It's hard to believe we've gone from something so tiny, to something so tangible!!! Anyway, we started off week 15 with a bang! Well, actually...an awkward turtle.

Just in case you're wondering what "Awkward Turtle" looks like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SULsR9-lbw  

     Those of you who know me, know this is one of my FAVORITE sayings. It refers to that super-awkward, cherry-hot-faced, armpit-sweaty, crickets-chirping-in-the-background moment. For me, these happen A LOT! I don't know if it's because I'm so observant, or because I'm just super uncomfortable outside of my normal bubble. Either way...the "Awkward Turtle" seems to be my constant companion.
   

     Well, those of you who know me, also know I'm a crazy naturalist at heart. No, I don't go around hugging trees or refusing to shave my legs BUT I will cry if I kill a butterfly driving down the highway. No joke. (This is one of my husband's least favorite things about me.)

     In fact, my first year of teaching, as I was leaving my house (at 6:45am) I noticed a squirrel in the middle of the road that had been, shall we say...flattened. His pitiful little tail was just whipping around like a windmill! He was suffering...and I started bawling! I stopped my car, got out and scooped him up, pulled BACK into my driveway, took the little critter inside, and made him nice and comfy. Then I left for work (again). I called Mr. B on the way out...let's just say I got a SERIOUS tongue-lashing lecture. He was not happy.  I was late to work that day. When I returned home, Peanut (the rescue-squirrel) was dead. :'( I cried uncontrollably while my husband angrily buried him. Not good.

    But I digress...I said that to tell you, I'm a naturalist. Always have been. I've got TONS more stories just like that. Ask my family...they will tell you (in their oh-my-gosh-she's-so-annoying voices). Anyway, the naturalist in me has always, always, ALWAYS, wanted a natural childbirth.

    By natural, I mean with as little medical intervention as possible. My mom did it 6 times! My mother-in-law did it 4 times! Of course my grandparents did it...one of them 5 times and my great grandmother 10 times! It's just always been a dream of mine. I have a pretty high pain tolerance...BUT I am totally aware the childbirth will be like NO OTHER PAIN I have ever experienced.

   So, I want to be prepared. I want to have some coping mechanisms in place and I want to talk to other people who have chosen to do it and been successful. I started researching and I found a class. The class lasts for 12 weeks, you get a workbook, and you are surrounded by other couples with like-minded plans.

   Sunday night was our first class. We walked into a house...no furniture. Disgusting floor...hadn't been cleaned. Dirty sleeping bags laid around the perimeter for us to "sit" on. That should have been my first clue. We arrived at 6:00pm. We left at 9:00pm!!! For those 3 hours...I felt like an actor from a movie comedy about birth. I mean, ALL of the people were walking around barefoot, rubbing on each other, making ungodly noises, and crunching on food that had been randomly laid out on a side table!!!

   Awkward. Turtle. Mr. B was NOT a happy person. He gets even more uncomfortable than I do in situations like that and he was so embarrassed he was M.A.D. I couldn't stop laughing...at him and our surrounding entertainment.
   
   At one point, the instructor came to "inspect" our methods and told Kevin to remove my shoes. He responded with a quick, "no". She looked at him dumbstruck and he said, "her feet get cold" which, in his defense, is true. The instructor then told him that he could take off his shirt to keep them warm!!! She got an even quicker and more abruptly rude, "NO!"...and she finally decided to move on.

    When class was over (3 hours later) Kevin said, "You tell her we'll mail her a check. Then, you send her an email telling her WE ARE NOT coming back. Ever." If the situation wasn't so hilarious it would probably have been terrifying!

    Suffice it to say, I'm going to have to find a different class to help me if I'm going to stick to my guns. THAT was not working for me. Too much "Awkward Turtle" for my taste!!!

This is how I felt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSh7FRalwdg