This week, my little munchkin is the size of a blueberry! We've gone from a poppy seed, to a peppercorn, to a BLUEBERRY! Baby is growing!!! It feels slow now, but I'm soaking up every minute! I want to take in every detail, every piece, every part. Who knows if this will be my one and only miracle? I don't know God's plans for my life, but I know they are good and I can trust Him with it. I give it to Him.
With that being said, I'm glad the process feels slow right now...I'm not in a rush to rid myself of the joy that comes from this tiny secret. Granted, I may be whistling a different tune in a few short months...but for now, I'm okay with the slow and steady progress.
Today was a BIG day for our little blueberry! It was the first time we had an ultrasound since we were reunited. We are at 6 weeks and 3 days. When I went into the doctor's office, I got butterflies. Nervous butterflies. I know I am pregnant. I feel tired, my ladies are sore, acne is rearing its ugly head, and "Aunt Flow" hasn't visited (for the first time in my adult life), but other than that, I've experienced no symptoms. Don't get me wrong...I am EXTREMELY grateful for this, but I feel relatively normal. I don't feel pregnant. So, the butterfly nerves attacked.
As the routine began, I anxiously stared at the monitor. I've seen this screen more times than I can count. Routine ultrasounds were done multiple times a week on me for several years, so...I'm familiar with the picture. I was half-expecting the same familiar picture to pop up on the screen, but as soon as the picture appeared I saw this:
That little tiny "seed" hadn't been there before! In fact, all I had ever seen was "white noise", but that little seed...that was proof of life! Upon further inspection, I could see a tiny little white dot flashing rapidly in the center of that little seed. I'm so accustomed to hearing bad news that I just remained silent, butterflies going crazy, waiting to hear what the doctor said.
He froze the frame a couple of times, printed some pictures, and then pointed at the screen to where that little white dot was rapidly flashing. He said, "You see that? That's your baby's heart beating. Everything looks perfect!" Tears of relief, excitement, anticipation, gratitude, joy...all rolled up into one explosive ball of hormones. That should paint a pretty picture for you. :)
When you see something that miraculous, something the size of a blueberry with a beating heart, how can you deny the awesomeness of my God??? Just two weeks ago, I SAW that little clump of cells that resembled a blob! There was no heart then. No test tube made that little heart. No test tube formed that little blueberry body! No test tube formed that little yolk of protection! No test tube formed the little ropes of tissue that tied that little blueberry to my womb! THAT WAS MY GOD!!! That was my Wonderful, Conquerer, Holy, Mighty, Healer, Deliverer, Strong Tower, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Alpha, Omega, Lord of EVERYTHING! That is my GOD and I can do no less than sing a song of praise to Him as Hannah did!
In 1 Samuel 2, Hannah sings a song of praise to her God. She sings not about what He's done for her but who He is! I can do no less! He has blessed me in more ways than I can express! Even in this journey, the hardest journey of my life, He has blessed me.
1 Peter 1:7 says it like this, "These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests gold--though your faith is more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."
I am blessed because, to Him, I am more precious than gold. To Him, I am gold...refined by the fire, for His glory. May this experience, be the foundation of a beautifully refined golden crown I can lay at His feet someday!!!
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