Labor Devotional

     As I was enduring my 34 hour labor...I had the WONDERFUL support of my doula. She is a godly lady who offered tons of god-fearing advice and comfort throughout my experience.
   
     When my labor began...it was much like my pregnancy journey. Easy. Light-hearted. No concern. But then, when I realized it wasn't going to be smooth sailing, I began to be very discouraged, frustrated, upset, and angry. I thought to myself, "God, WHY can't you let me do ANYTHING my way? NOTHING I plan EVER works out!!! Can't you just give me THIS?!?!?!"
   
     Eventually my doula picked up on my frustration. She prayed and sought God on my behalf, and was led to her daily devotional, where she found this:

     SUCH a timely word...and specifically for ME! Yet again...my God always comes through, in my hardest moments, He reassures me that He is there and that HE CARES!!! Also...that I need to let go of my controlling ways and let Him handle things from now on. Easier said than done, but here's to attempting that!!!

My Labor of Love

     It has offically been one week now since the long-awaited arrival of our princess! I can't believe how fast that week flew by! I've heard over, and over how fast these sweet moments pass by, but I never knew how true it was before the past 7 days. 

     To say that her birth was a "magical" time would be VERY unrealistic. In fact, it was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. Let me explain...

      When I reached the third trimester in my pregnancy, I no longer enjoyed it. I wasn't one of those women who loves being pregnant and feeling their baby expand into every available crevice. No, I was READY for her to come out as soon as we reached month 7. However, I know for a baby to be born healthy, they need to be at least 37 weeks. So, I (rather unpatiently) waited on the BLESSED week 37 before I started trying to jump start my labor. 

     Up to that point, I felt NOTHING. Not even Braxton-Hicks contractions. I was convinced my super-chill-in-the-womb princess was going to go past her due date...and that made me VERY unhappy. I was so ready to be able to fit in normal clothes, and excercise my waist down to normal size. So...I started doing those recommend things to start labor. My favorite was bouncing on my yoga ball at night while Kev and I watched our favorite shows.

     Tuesday night, September 16, Kev and I were in the den watching our show and I was steady bouncing. I bounced for a good hour probably while my husband laughed at how silly I looked. (Just imagine my HUGE, fat self sitting on top of a yoga ball...like an elephant at a circus.) My bedtime slowly approached so Kev and I went to bed and he finished watching his show while I drifted off to sleep. 

    For the last trimester, due to lack of space in my abdominal cavity, I had to wake up and pee at least 4 times during the night. This night was no different. I woke up, just as Kev's show went off (around midnight). He cut the TV off and rolled over to drift off himself, and I went to the restroom. After I did my business I was walking back into the bedroom when I felt this "trickle" down my leg. My first thought was "GREAT. Here we go again...leakage." However, as I turned back towards the bathroom a huge gush of water happened. It was so much I thought this HAD to be it. 

    I called Kevin (who bless his heart) had just laid down. His response was "Are you serious? I just thought: 'I hope it doesn't happen tonight, because I'm exhausted' ". Poor guy...little did he know. He immediately began calling my mom, his mom, and our doula. As he called, I tried to get clean, do my make-up, and gather my toiletries. Meanwhile, my water gushed 3 more times! Kev tried helping me clean it up and every time we would get it done, it happened again! It was comical...I kept laughing about it, but Kev was so anxious, he all but dragged me to the car.

    I had to change clothes 4 times between the bedroom and the car! I finally decided I would just have to waddle into the hospital with a towel wrapped around me...and so I did. Legit. The nurses were greatly entertained upon our arrival. Then the fun began...

    The original plan was to labor at home as long as possible, but when your water breaks...that's not a choice. At least not according to my doctor. So, we got admitted, I gave them my VERY DETAILED birth plan, and we waited. 

    I was having contractions...couldn't feel them though. So, Kev and I just rested. After about 7 hours of no progress, the nurses and doctors suggested getting Pitocin. I was vehemently against it because I have heard how much more intense your labor is with it, and my goal was to go all natural.  Well, things didn't progress and I was eventually convinced that it was necessary to have the Pitocin, because things weren't happening and the water was broken so the baby HAD to come out. So, they started me off at a 2 (out of 30). Every hour or so, they would come in and bump the dose up by 2. (I eventually made it all the way up to 24!)

    Contractions finally became noticable around dose 12. My doula, Mom, and Kevin were WONDERFUL! They took turns helping with with different pain coping methods...all of them just as tired as I was I'm sure. Labor was slow, and steady...for about 25 hours I endured the pain minus ANY food, drink, or sleep. I went through 3 doctors on shift, 5 meals, and 4 nurses. Then, the pain became unbearable.  I was literally out of my mind delirious with pain...terrifying my mother and Kevin, I'm sure. I finally told my doula I needed something to help me manage the pain. 

    I gave her my "code word" (the word that said I'm not joking I've had ENOUGH) and they got the nurse to come in and deliver some pain reliever. I'm not sure what it was called, but she said it would "take the edge off". It didn't. In my delirium, I remember telling her it wasn't working, that I needed more. She hit me with that stuff THREE times. Nothing. It just made me very sleepy so that I could feel the pain but was barely awake enough to respond to it...kind of like a terrible nightmare that you are struggling to wake from, and you just can't.

    After I realized that wasn't working, I told them I needed to be checked because everything I've read has said when you reach that point of "I can't go on" you're in transition, and almost ready to push. Well, I hadn't been checked in several hours, and I was at 4 cm then (at 20 hours of labor). So, in the midst of my contractions, which were unbearably painful, they checked me and said, "I'll give you a 5cm or a squishy 6cm". That did it. That was it. My breaking point. 

    Bring. On. The. EPIDURAL.  I told the nurses I wanted it NOW! I asked how long it would take, and I remember one oh-so-sweet girl looking at me and saying, "it usually takes about 20 minutes." She really should have thought about that answer. My response: "NO! NO! NO! THAT'S TOO LONG! I NEED IT NOW! I NEED IT NOW! GET IT NOW! PLEASE! I NEED IT NOW!" 

     So, at hour 30 I finally got an epidural. I'm a control freak. I don't like feeling out of control. I HATE going to the dentist office for a filling and having numb mouth for hours. Drives me crazy. BUT I will say...that epidural was a sweet, sweet, relief. I remember immediately looking over at my momma and saying, "Momma, you're my hero. I don't know how you did this 6 times. I didn't think I would like not feeling my legs, Momma, but right now...I LOOOOVE it. It feels like a real warm blanket is over them and now I want to sleep." And sleep I did...for about 2 hours before they woke me up to try and push.

     I ending up pushing for 2 more hours before the THIRD doctor came in an suggested some "assistance". Namely, using a vaccum to get that baby girl out. My first thought was "NO! What about her head?!" And then I thought, "34 hours is long enough. Let's get this baby out!" So, I relented and with the doctor's help, Elsirae Hudson Boatwright was FINALLY born at 9:37am 34 hours after my water broke. Whew! And we thought we were tired at midnight Tuesday night!!!

    Of course, just as I suspected, as soon as I saw her sweet face, all that pain and torture was forgotten. I have never seen anything so perfect in all my life. The miraculous thing is that not ONE of the three doctors suggested a c-section. I thought surely it was coming...but every time they checked the baby for signs of distress, they kept looking shocked and saying, "I have NEVER seen such a happy baby! She is perfectly content." Never did she ever show any signs of distress. What a miracle.

   As I reflect on this experience, I have to say...nothing went according to my very stipulated plan. NOTHING. I've really got to stop planning for myself...because AS ALWAYS God has His own plan for us, and though I feel like I will NEVER understand, I know He knows best.

    The story of Elsirae's birth is much like the story of her conception. A lot of pain, a lot of time, a lot of tears and frustration. But, after all that...she is such a breath of fresh air. Such a laid back and easy princess. As in my pregnancy, she is as chill as ever. No complications. Perfect health. Beautiful. As in her conception...the hardest part was always getting her here.

    I'm so glad she's finally here and I can't wait to see the plan that God has for her...Mommy is not even going to TRY to think about it!

    Here are some of my favorite moments from that almost-week-long ordeal:

 

Elsirae Hudson Boatwright

9-18-14 @ 9:37 am

7 lbs. 2 oz.

19 inches long

We love  you so much baby girl!!! 

As my hero Hannah would do, we've been singing songs of praise just for YOU!

1 Samuel 2:1-11

     

A Letter to My Princess

Dear Elsirae,
   
       Hello, my princess! It will SURELY be a while before you get to read this letter, but there are so many things I want to say to you before you enter this world. Right now you are cozy and comfy in Mommy's belly. Well, things are probably getting a little less comfy because we are quickly approaching your birthday! I can't wait to see your sweet face and see who you got your looks from! For now...you look like this:

     
      Baby, Mommy and Daddy prayed for a long time before we were blessed with you. In fact, we weren't sure if we would ever get to be called "Mommy" and "Daddy". We were SO very excited when we found out you were being sent to us from Heaven! You are a VERY special little girl, and we KNOW that God had a very specific purpose in mind when He sent you to us. We can't wait to see what that plan is.

      I want you to know that this is not a perfect world. Truthfully, it gets less perfect and more corrupt each day. That fact alone, terrifies me for you. The selfish part of me wanted you so bad, that I didn't think of all that you would have to endure just by living in this world of ours. But, God knew, and He still sent you to us...which tells me that He plans to use you mightily.

      When your Daddy and I were undergoing the procedure that returned you to us, we prayed that you would be a fighter. That you would be strong, and that God would keep you. You are a fighter, Elsirae. The odds were not stacked in your favor, yet here we are. As I sit on the couch tonight writing to you, I can feel you jumping all around in my belly, and I'm just reminded of the little fighter you are going to be.

     Just remember to fight for the right things, Baby Girl. Remember to fight for those things that God lays on your heart. Battles are not fun. Wars are not easily won. Choose yours wisely, because all good fighters know when to fight, and when to take cover. The good news is, when we must take cover, our God fights for us. Never forget that, my little fighter.

     Your name was chosen for a reason. Daddy and I thought long and hard about it. We wanted your name to have a meaning that would define you, and contribute to your character. "Elsi" means, "God is my promise." That is so true to us, Baby Girl, and true to you. He has been our rock and our strength as we waited on you. He will be your rock and your strength for your entire life, if you let Him.

      I pray that you continue to be a fighter. I pray that you continue to have a mind of your own, and that it will allow you to follow the One, True, God rather than the crowd around you. I pray that Jesus comes in your heart very soon, and stays there forever. I hope you grow closer to Him each day of your beautiful life. I pray that your life will bless the lives of others. That you will be compassionate, caring, loving, honest, and dedicated in all that you endeavor. I pray that you love passionately and deeply and that one day, you find a man who will love you the same. I pray that, that man, will be the man God has already designed for you, and that you find each other while you are both seeking the face of God.
   
     Most of all, I pray that we are together forever. That the small time that we were seperated will be the last time we are seperated for all of eternity. Heaven will be a beautiful place, my Darling..and even though I know you remember it now, it will slowly drift away from your memories as you enter this world. Cling tight to those Heavenly thoughts, my Princess. Don't let anyone tell you they aren't a reality. One day, we will all be together up there and you will know what you have always known...the love of our wonderful Savior, Jesus Christ that is more beautiful and REAL than anything else.

      Daddy and I love you, Elsirae Hudson. Sooooooo very much! Never forget that! If you ever doubt it, just read our story...your story. It's in the first chapter of the first book of Samuel. Let old Hannah tell you, how very speical and loved YOU are...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
<3 Mommy

Showers

     Elsirae and I have been so blessed over the last month. We've been "showered" with love from our friends and family!!!

     Our first shower was from the Boatwright girls. It was absolutely beautiful! Aunt Dori has SUCH a talent for party-planning! Here are a few pictures from that shower:

    Then, on the DAY my friend, Casey Carlson, had her gender ultrasound (for baby #2), our Beach Crew was scheduled to have a back-to-school-kickoff dinner. I was convinced that was the reason for our get-together, since Casey was the one who planned it. But, when I showed up, I was surprised to find they had thrown me a bow and monogram shower instead! It was so sweet and special! I just love all my Pond Girls!!! Here is a collage from that shower:

     My next shower was given by my amazing sisters. They are my BEST FRIENDS and I am so grateful that the Good Lord blessed me with all four of them. I don't know what I would do without even ONE of them! Here are some pictures from that shower:

     Finally, my wonderful friends at work threw me a diaper shower! It was so adorably cute with it's "Momma is about to POP" theme...which is SO very accurate! I can't thank my sister-wives (all the girls on my team) enough. They did such an amazing job and were so incredibly thoughtful! Here are the pictures from that shower:

    Elsirae and I are so loved, and so blessed! I'm so thankful to everyone who participated in our showers in any way! We have been truly "showered" with LOVE!!! I can't wait to put all our goodies to use!!! Come on Princess, let's get this show on the road!!!

Nursery is COMPLETE!

      We have officially made it to the safe zone...37 weeks. And we are FINISHED with Elsirae's nursery. Aunt La made her some BEAUTIFUL curtains to complete the room. Now, if only I could convince the princess that her nursery is way more cozy than my womb...we could get this party started. She seems pretty content. I sure wish she was a little more like her daddy, in that he always has his "go britches" on. I suppose princesses are on their own time schedule and we shall have to endure patiently. Although, Momma is getting VERY impatient. Lord help!

July 8, 2013 @ 11:01 a.m.

     

     On this day, ONE WHOLE YEAR ago, our family was blessed with a precious, precious, PRECIOUS gift: Addison Virginia O'Neal. This little girl has a very special place in my heart, and has had a hold on that spot since the day I found out my sister was expecting her.
   
     I would be lying if I told you that when I heard the news I was happy. In fact, it was one of the most devastating announcements I have ever had to experience in my lifetime. Immediately, upon hearing it my heart exploded into a thousand pieces and the floodgates of tears were unleashed.

    Up to that point in my journey I had fought that devastating feeling with success. Up to that point, no one in my family had gotten pregnant. Yes, it was hard to see the friends around me growing swollen with expectant babies. Yes, those days induced some tears, frustration, anger, but none of them compared to finding out that my own sister would be experiencing motherhood before me.

    I knew in my gut that she was going to tell us she was expecting. I just knew it. I'm a nosy person. I asked. I ruined the surprise for Cierra. I'll never forgive myself for that...but at the time, that was the last thing on my mind. I remember the phone call like it was yesterday. Cierra was obviously upset because:
1. I had ruined her surprise
2. It was just as hard for her to reveal it as it was for me to find out (She knew about my struggle and my pain, and Cierra is a very tender-hearted, sensitive creature; always has been.

     So, when I answered the phone it was to the voice of her oh-so-perturbed-with-every-right-to-be over-protective-husband, Sean. He said, "Well, you ruined it. You were right. She's pregnant." Immediately, I felt guilt, shame, embarassement. But mostly, I was sad. So unbelievably sad for myself. I wanted to be the one to make that announcement. I wanted to be the one to surprise my family with a new addition.

    I immediately called Kevin, my wonderful supporter, who has never allowed me to wallow in self-pity, because I knew I needed a pep-talk. He comforted me as best he could, told me he loved me, and then hung up. Then I was alone. Just me myself, and I to deal with the tornado of emotions inside of me.

    I got to thinking, and praying, and I realized (very quickly) how silly I was being. I mean, this was CIERRA we're talking about. Sweet, innocent, docile, precious little Cierra. The one who God first allowed me to be a big sister to. I loved her so completely, there was no way I was going to let this get in the way.

    Cierra was always such a sensitive little fragile thing, even from birth. From the first moment I met her, I knew she would need protecting. So, that's what I became for her. That big, mean, over-bearing, older sister who was always there to fight her battles for her (just ask Sean). Mom always called her a porcelain doll. It was such a beautiful description of her. So, beautiful and fragile, you want to stick her up on a high shelf so no one could ever harm her.

    THIS was the Cierra who was telling us she was going to have a baby! THIS was the fragile creature who God saw enough strengh and faith in to bless her with a beautiful little miracle! How could I be so selfish as to taint this exciting time for her? With that little reminder, I was off to see my first little sister, to comfort her and let her know that I was okay. That I was happy for her. That I loved her...though it pained me greatly to do so.

    When we arrived at Cierra and Sean's house, they were expecting us, and had laid out the ultrasound pictures. Those pictures took my breath away. I fell in love with my niece. Never had I seen anything more precious, and I realized this was a God-sent gift to Cierra and Sean, but it was a gift to me too. I knew that this little baby might be the closest thing to a child I would have, so I made up my mind to pour all of my love into it that I possibly could.

     The day she was born was a day I will never forget. I saw her sweet face and immediately every single emotion I had ever experienced in my journey came bubbling up to the surface again. I held her and cried for what seemed like forever. For my pain. For my happiness. For my very brave little sister. Because that baby was so beautiful and precious. Because I thought I was as close as I was going to get to that experience. But all that pain was worth it to hold that little miracle-girl. She was so beautiful, and fragile, and precious...just like her momma. And just as I did on the day I met Cierra, I knew that this was a little girl that I would go to battle for.

     She has grown so much in just a short year! She has brought so much joy to our lives!!! Her little personality is really starting to shine and I can see her momma's strength in her. But I can also see her momma's beautiful sensitive spirit. That spirit that captures everyone around her. I'm so proud to be her Aunt Hay (if you can't already tell from my newsfeed)!

      I know as my little Addi V is introduced to her equally precious cousin Elsirae, there will be a major adjustment period, for ALL parties involved. But I also know that they're going to be two peas in a pod before long...just like Cierra and I. I'm sure very shortly the gang will be growing my leaps and bounds, and I'm so excited that I get to participate in that! God is SO good! He is SO faithful!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY PRECIOUS ADDISON VIRGINIA!!! 

I love you more than words can say!

<3 Aunt Hay

It's CRUNCH Time!

     Yea, Yea...technically I still have 3 months to go, BUT I'm a planner. I like to plan. I like to be prepared. This part of my personality drives my husband CRAZY...probably because all my "plans" are for him to do various chores for me. What can I say...I have the vision, and no skill. Lucky for me my talented hubby has a knack for interpreting my vision and making them a reality. For this (and many other things) I am thankful...he not so much.

     Anyway, it's July and TODAY is the day that I begin the LAST trimester of this pregnancy!!! I can't believe it! The first trimester went by so fast! The second one slowed down a great deal. I imagine this last trimester will d-r-a-g...kind of like my body these days. Kevin has always told me how slow I am about doing anything. Well, he now jokes that this pregnancy has made me EVEN slower...poor guy. It's no joke though. Everything takes more time and effort these days.

    Our little lady has been quite a bit more active lately. It feels so weird when she starts going crazy in the-balloon-that-is-my-belly; especially when she decides to drag a fist or foot across my swollen mid-section! It feels like there's an alien in there about to bust out. I made Kev feel it one night...it freaked him out. Poor guy, he's not into this pregnancy stuff any more than I am.

     I always thought I would be one of those women who thinks pregnancy is a "magical" and "euphoric" time; especially considering all I went through to experience it. Well, I mis-judged myself. I'm not a fan. Not that I haven't enjoyed nurturing my sweet girl for the past 7 months. I really enjoy feeling her move, just because it's SUCH a reality check. But I am NOT enjoying the fat-feeling I get every time I look in the mirror. True, most of the weight I've gained has been pure baby, but I just am not one of those girls who looks at my belly and thinks "oh, how sweet/cute/precious". I'm one of those who is just ready to hold my sweet baby in my arms rather than my belly. Oh well...we've got a waaaays to go!

     But, I digress. Back to the planner in me...it's JULY and I've vowed to myself to finally work on my baby girl's room. (Up to this point...not a thought. Granted I have been SWAMPED with wedding festivities and summer vacations). So, when Kev and I returned from our anniversary trip, we got started.

     We decided to leave the room the original color (since we just moved in and it was JUST painted) and instead paint only an accent wall. Where does the modern-girl turn for inspiration? Pinterest, of course! I started digging for inspiration and found this:

      When I finally convinced Kev to go paint it for me, I was so very pleased with how it turned out! Here are some photos of Daddy working on Elsirae's accent wall:

      On top of being a planner, I am also a shopper...a thrifty shopper. I like to find good deals. Truthfully, I like to find GREAT deals. I was bound and determined NOT to pay an outrageous amount for furniture that my child will only use for a few years. So, I called up my mom and my sister Leah and we went thrift store shopping. Yes, you read correctly. Thrift. Stores. We found some really great treasures, including this beautiful little blue chest:

      I also snagged this adorable vanity, and wardrobe. Kevin and Uncle Griff gave both pieces a fresh coat of paint and they look like new!

      Gigi and Boots wanted to contribute to the madness so they bought our princess her crib, and Aunt Leah helped me put it together (while Daddy was out playing with dirt bikes)! It turned out beautifully!

     I found the glider at Babies-R-Us on SALE! I had to get it, because I was really determined to get a glider that looked like a normal chair so that it could be moved around the house as needed when I no longer have a nursery. This particular glider was way cheaper than the ones I was planning to splurge on.

    All-in-all I think it's coming together nicely! Now, we're just waiting on the bedding (which should be delivered any day now), and Aunt Lauran to sew us some curtains to match! I'll be so relieved when it's done because, I want to be prepared just in case the princess decides to grace us with her presence earlier than expected. We shall see!!!