Full Circle

     Today is the day, Ol' Hannah and I come full circle...the day I give my baby back to the One who gave her to me. Back in 1 Samuel chapter 1 Hannah prayed for her son in her barrenness. God, remembered Hannah and granted her request. Hannah praised God for His faithfulness and vowed to give her son to the Lord all the days of his life. 

     Well, Hannah and I have come a long way. I too have been granted a child in my barrenness. I too have given praise to Him for his faithfulness to me. I too will vow to give my child to Him all the days of her life.

     My prayer is the same as Hannah's: "I asked the Lord to give me this child, and He has granted my request. Now I am giving [her] to the Lord, and [she] will belong to the Lord [her] whole life." 1 Samuel 1: 27-28

     My family was a huge part of the dedication ceremony. My Daddy prayed the prayer of blessing over her (which is very biblically significant), and my Mom sang the song she sang at my dedication ceremony; Sandi Patty's: Masterpiece.

    It was a very special ceremony for my VERY special girl. God has BIG plans for her. Because of that, I know the devil has a HUGE bullseye on her back (I can already tell he has tried destroying her, by how difficult it was to get her here). 

    But God made my little princess a fighter. She proves that to be true more and more each day. I know He will mold her into the mighty warrior she needs to be to fulfill her purpose and defeat the enemy. I pray Kevin and I are the parents we need to be to strengthen her fighting spirit and channel it for God's glory!

 Joshua 24:15 "...but as for me and MY house, WE WILL serve The LORD."

Power to the Blogging Mommas

     I now have a newfound respect for Blogging Mommas. I have been SUCH a slack blogger since the birth of my princess. Partially because I don't have time to put on deodorant, much less collect my thoughts and organize them into something remotely sensible...but also because I've just been soaking it all in.

     Being a mom isn't as full of surprises as I thought it would be. Probably because I've been preparing for this journey for so long. Probably because I watched my mom do it for my entire life...with her 6 kids and many other kids from around the school, church, neighborhood, etc. Probably because I got to get a tiny taste helping my friend in high school. Probably because I got a bigger taste helping Cierra with Addison (I was with her EVERY second I could spare).

     But...there DEFINITELY have been some challenges. After all, with other people's kids I could pick and choose what I wanted to be a part of. With mine...I get the good, the bad, the ugly, the nasty, THE DISGUSTING! Namely, stuff like this:

I have learned much in the last 12 weeks. I will list them here for your entertainment.

1. Mothers in Third-World-Countries are MY HEROES. I have NO idea how they do motherhood without the comforts of the modern world. No. Idea.

2. Nursing, while EXTREMELY beneficial, is hard. It hurts. I don't feel the magic.

3. I can do MANY day-to-day tasks with one hand...or no hands. Look Ma! ;)

4. I can do MANY day-to-day tasks in a fraction of the time it once took me.

5. Mom-cuts are no joke. They're necessary...for my survival. Little fingers are hard to untangle from hair.

6. I can run on waaaaaay less sleep than I ever have before. It's a sleepless-Christmas-Eve around here on the daily. Minus the anticipation.

7. I am doing EXCELLENT to shower and apply mascara. If I can get dinner on the table too...A++.

8. THANK GOD my Momma lives across the street. HOW did she do it alone???

9. I HEART DATE NIGHTS...like more than I did when actually dating.

10. My man is a natural. I mean NAT-UR-AL. How would I survive without him?

11. All I want for Christmas is comfy PJ's...that look decent. (And permission to wear them on date nights.)

12. Sooooo glad my baby has been sleeping in her OWN room/crib since birth. My room is MY happy place.

13. I. Can. Fit. In. A. Crib. And I do....for every 2:00am feeding. Legit.

14. Babies are good actors. I can tell a fake cry from a mile away.

15. Babies DO talk...by crying. There are different cries for every need. (My husband learned this one too...when he told my INFANT to use her words...at 4 weeks.)

16. Baby rolls are cute. The "tater ridges" inside them ARE NOT.

17. My child doesn't have tons of hair but it still needs brushing. I have CUT out SEVEN knots already. Yes, CUT my infant's hair!

18. I'm convinced, babies need as much (if not more) hygiene maintenance as middle schoolers. Poop. Pee. Spit-up. Milk. Tater Ridges. These things definitely redefine the dreaded B.O.

19. There's no such thing as "sweet poo". There just isn't.

Which brings me to my FAVORITE lesson....drumroll please....

20. IF your child has been 7 days without a poo, and you begin to see the red-eyebrow-strain...go ahead and get them naked, down to a diaper. 'Cause that junk is going EEEEEE'RRRRYYWHERE!!!

Which goes hand-in-hand with...

21. I can change a diaper with baby face down. With great privilege, comes great responsibility. :)

     In light of my new-found knowledge...I would just like to say: if you're a momma who finds the time to blog, power to ya! In fact, if you're a momma who finds the time to do anything BUT be a momma, power to YOU!

     Better yet, power to ALL the mommas, near and far! My hat is off to you!!!

Christmas Card

Last Sunday, we had Boatwright Family pictures taken. We haven't had them done since after Kev and I got married (over 6 years ago)! So, Mrs. Angie decided it was time...after all, our family has grown a good bit since then.

     I'm not one for Christmas Cards. I'm a naturalist...I feel like it wastes paper. Come on, you know they end up in your trash can after the holidays. Anyway, I never thought I would want to do one...UNTIL my best friend Casey (who took our family pictures) captured this:

     Yes, I am now THAT mom. The mom who thinks her baby is TOO CUTE not to share with the world...especially at the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR: CHRISTMAS!!!

     So, I have jumped on the wagon. The Christmas Card Wagon. Look out world...here's a preview!

Newborn Pics

     Before our princess arrived, I made sure to schedule a newborn photography session with the AMAZING Kennerly Jordan! We had to wait for Elsirae to get off of her bili-light (because she was REALLY jaundiced), but finally she was looking better and ready for her first photo shoot. They turned out so good and she was SUCH a good little model! She didn't soil ANYthing...much to our shock and pleasant surprise. Here are some of my favorites:

Labor Devotional

     As I was enduring my 34 hour labor...I had the WONDERFUL support of my doula. She is a godly lady who offered tons of god-fearing advice and comfort throughout my experience.
   
     When my labor began...it was much like my pregnancy journey. Easy. Light-hearted. No concern. But then, when I realized it wasn't going to be smooth sailing, I began to be very discouraged, frustrated, upset, and angry. I thought to myself, "God, WHY can't you let me do ANYTHING my way? NOTHING I plan EVER works out!!! Can't you just give me THIS?!?!?!"
   
     Eventually my doula picked up on my frustration. She prayed and sought God on my behalf, and was led to her daily devotional, where she found this:

     SUCH a timely word...and specifically for ME! Yet again...my God always comes through, in my hardest moments, He reassures me that He is there and that HE CARES!!! Also...that I need to let go of my controlling ways and let Him handle things from now on. Easier said than done, but here's to attempting that!!!

My Labor of Love

     It has offically been one week now since the long-awaited arrival of our princess! I can't believe how fast that week flew by! I've heard over, and over how fast these sweet moments pass by, but I never knew how true it was before the past 7 days. 

     To say that her birth was a "magical" time would be VERY unrealistic. In fact, it was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. Let me explain...

      When I reached the third trimester in my pregnancy, I no longer enjoyed it. I wasn't one of those women who loves being pregnant and feeling their baby expand into every available crevice. No, I was READY for her to come out as soon as we reached month 7. However, I know for a baby to be born healthy, they need to be at least 37 weeks. So, I (rather unpatiently) waited on the BLESSED week 37 before I started trying to jump start my labor. 

     Up to that point, I felt NOTHING. Not even Braxton-Hicks contractions. I was convinced my super-chill-in-the-womb princess was going to go past her due date...and that made me VERY unhappy. I was so ready to be able to fit in normal clothes, and excercise my waist down to normal size. So...I started doing those recommend things to start labor. My favorite was bouncing on my yoga ball at night while Kev and I watched our favorite shows.

     Tuesday night, September 16, Kev and I were in the den watching our show and I was steady bouncing. I bounced for a good hour probably while my husband laughed at how silly I looked. (Just imagine my HUGE, fat self sitting on top of a yoga ball...like an elephant at a circus.) My bedtime slowly approached so Kev and I went to bed and he finished watching his show while I drifted off to sleep. 

    For the last trimester, due to lack of space in my abdominal cavity, I had to wake up and pee at least 4 times during the night. This night was no different. I woke up, just as Kev's show went off (around midnight). He cut the TV off and rolled over to drift off himself, and I went to the restroom. After I did my business I was walking back into the bedroom when I felt this "trickle" down my leg. My first thought was "GREAT. Here we go again...leakage." However, as I turned back towards the bathroom a huge gush of water happened. It was so much I thought this HAD to be it. 

    I called Kevin (who bless his heart) had just laid down. His response was "Are you serious? I just thought: 'I hope it doesn't happen tonight, because I'm exhausted' ". Poor guy...little did he know. He immediately began calling my mom, his mom, and our doula. As he called, I tried to get clean, do my make-up, and gather my toiletries. Meanwhile, my water gushed 3 more times! Kev tried helping me clean it up and every time we would get it done, it happened again! It was comical...I kept laughing about it, but Kev was so anxious, he all but dragged me to the car.

    I had to change clothes 4 times between the bedroom and the car! I finally decided I would just have to waddle into the hospital with a towel wrapped around me...and so I did. Legit. The nurses were greatly entertained upon our arrival. Then the fun began...

    The original plan was to labor at home as long as possible, but when your water breaks...that's not a choice. At least not according to my doctor. So, we got admitted, I gave them my VERY DETAILED birth plan, and we waited. 

    I was having contractions...couldn't feel them though. So, Kev and I just rested. After about 7 hours of no progress, the nurses and doctors suggested getting Pitocin. I was vehemently against it because I have heard how much more intense your labor is with it, and my goal was to go all natural.  Well, things didn't progress and I was eventually convinced that it was necessary to have the Pitocin, because things weren't happening and the water was broken so the baby HAD to come out. So, they started me off at a 2 (out of 30). Every hour or so, they would come in and bump the dose up by 2. (I eventually made it all the way up to 24!)

    Contractions finally became noticable around dose 12. My doula, Mom, and Kevin were WONDERFUL! They took turns helping with with different pain coping methods...all of them just as tired as I was I'm sure. Labor was slow, and steady...for about 25 hours I endured the pain minus ANY food, drink, or sleep. I went through 3 doctors on shift, 5 meals, and 4 nurses. Then, the pain became unbearable.  I was literally out of my mind delirious with pain...terrifying my mother and Kevin, I'm sure. I finally told my doula I needed something to help me manage the pain. 

    I gave her my "code word" (the word that said I'm not joking I've had ENOUGH) and they got the nurse to come in and deliver some pain reliever. I'm not sure what it was called, but she said it would "take the edge off". It didn't. In my delirium, I remember telling her it wasn't working, that I needed more. She hit me with that stuff THREE times. Nothing. It just made me very sleepy so that I could feel the pain but was barely awake enough to respond to it...kind of like a terrible nightmare that you are struggling to wake from, and you just can't.

    After I realized that wasn't working, I told them I needed to be checked because everything I've read has said when you reach that point of "I can't go on" you're in transition, and almost ready to push. Well, I hadn't been checked in several hours, and I was at 4 cm then (at 20 hours of labor). So, in the midst of my contractions, which were unbearably painful, they checked me and said, "I'll give you a 5cm or a squishy 6cm". That did it. That was it. My breaking point. 

    Bring. On. The. EPIDURAL.  I told the nurses I wanted it NOW! I asked how long it would take, and I remember one oh-so-sweet girl looking at me and saying, "it usually takes about 20 minutes." She really should have thought about that answer. My response: "NO! NO! NO! THAT'S TOO LONG! I NEED IT NOW! I NEED IT NOW! GET IT NOW! PLEASE! I NEED IT NOW!" 

     So, at hour 30 I finally got an epidural. I'm a control freak. I don't like feeling out of control. I HATE going to the dentist office for a filling and having numb mouth for hours. Drives me crazy. BUT I will say...that epidural was a sweet, sweet, relief. I remember immediately looking over at my momma and saying, "Momma, you're my hero. I don't know how you did this 6 times. I didn't think I would like not feeling my legs, Momma, but right now...I LOOOOVE it. It feels like a real warm blanket is over them and now I want to sleep." And sleep I did...for about 2 hours before they woke me up to try and push.

     I ending up pushing for 2 more hours before the THIRD doctor came in an suggested some "assistance". Namely, using a vaccum to get that baby girl out. My first thought was "NO! What about her head?!" And then I thought, "34 hours is long enough. Let's get this baby out!" So, I relented and with the doctor's help, Elsirae Hudson Boatwright was FINALLY born at 9:37am 34 hours after my water broke. Whew! And we thought we were tired at midnight Tuesday night!!!

    Of course, just as I suspected, as soon as I saw her sweet face, all that pain and torture was forgotten. I have never seen anything so perfect in all my life. The miraculous thing is that not ONE of the three doctors suggested a c-section. I thought surely it was coming...but every time they checked the baby for signs of distress, they kept looking shocked and saying, "I have NEVER seen such a happy baby! She is perfectly content." Never did she ever show any signs of distress. What a miracle.

   As I reflect on this experience, I have to say...nothing went according to my very stipulated plan. NOTHING. I've really got to stop planning for myself...because AS ALWAYS God has His own plan for us, and though I feel like I will NEVER understand, I know He knows best.

    The story of Elsirae's birth is much like the story of her conception. A lot of pain, a lot of time, a lot of tears and frustration. But, after all that...she is such a breath of fresh air. Such a laid back and easy princess. As in my pregnancy, she is as chill as ever. No complications. Perfect health. Beautiful. As in her conception...the hardest part was always getting her here.

    I'm so glad she's finally here and I can't wait to see the plan that God has for her...Mommy is not even going to TRY to think about it!

    Here are some of my favorite moments from that almost-week-long ordeal:

 

Elsirae Hudson Boatwright

9-18-14 @ 9:37 am

7 lbs. 2 oz.

19 inches long

We love  you so much baby girl!!! 

As my hero Hannah would do, we've been singing songs of praise just for YOU!

1 Samuel 2:1-11

     

A Letter to My Princess

Dear Elsirae,
   
       Hello, my princess! It will SURELY be a while before you get to read this letter, but there are so many things I want to say to you before you enter this world. Right now you are cozy and comfy in Mommy's belly. Well, things are probably getting a little less comfy because we are quickly approaching your birthday! I can't wait to see your sweet face and see who you got your looks from! For now...you look like this:

     
      Baby, Mommy and Daddy prayed for a long time before we were blessed with you. In fact, we weren't sure if we would ever get to be called "Mommy" and "Daddy". We were SO very excited when we found out you were being sent to us from Heaven! You are a VERY special little girl, and we KNOW that God had a very specific purpose in mind when He sent you to us. We can't wait to see what that plan is.

      I want you to know that this is not a perfect world. Truthfully, it gets less perfect and more corrupt each day. That fact alone, terrifies me for you. The selfish part of me wanted you so bad, that I didn't think of all that you would have to endure just by living in this world of ours. But, God knew, and He still sent you to us...which tells me that He plans to use you mightily.

      When your Daddy and I were undergoing the procedure that returned you to us, we prayed that you would be a fighter. That you would be strong, and that God would keep you. You are a fighter, Elsirae. The odds were not stacked in your favor, yet here we are. As I sit on the couch tonight writing to you, I can feel you jumping all around in my belly, and I'm just reminded of the little fighter you are going to be.

     Just remember to fight for the right things, Baby Girl. Remember to fight for those things that God lays on your heart. Battles are not fun. Wars are not easily won. Choose yours wisely, because all good fighters know when to fight, and when to take cover. The good news is, when we must take cover, our God fights for us. Never forget that, my little fighter.

     Your name was chosen for a reason. Daddy and I thought long and hard about it. We wanted your name to have a meaning that would define you, and contribute to your character. "Elsi" means, "God is my promise." That is so true to us, Baby Girl, and true to you. He has been our rock and our strength as we waited on you. He will be your rock and your strength for your entire life, if you let Him.

      I pray that you continue to be a fighter. I pray that you continue to have a mind of your own, and that it will allow you to follow the One, True, God rather than the crowd around you. I pray that Jesus comes in your heart very soon, and stays there forever. I hope you grow closer to Him each day of your beautiful life. I pray that your life will bless the lives of others. That you will be compassionate, caring, loving, honest, and dedicated in all that you endeavor. I pray that you love passionately and deeply and that one day, you find a man who will love you the same. I pray that, that man, will be the man God has already designed for you, and that you find each other while you are both seeking the face of God.
   
     Most of all, I pray that we are together forever. That the small time that we were seperated will be the last time we are seperated for all of eternity. Heaven will be a beautiful place, my Darling..and even though I know you remember it now, it will slowly drift away from your memories as you enter this world. Cling tight to those Heavenly thoughts, my Princess. Don't let anyone tell you they aren't a reality. One day, we will all be together up there and you will know what you have always known...the love of our wonderful Savior, Jesus Christ that is more beautiful and REAL than anything else.

      Daddy and I love you, Elsirae Hudson. Sooooooo very much! Never forget that! If you ever doubt it, just read our story...your story. It's in the first chapter of the first book of Samuel. Let old Hannah tell you, how very speical and loved YOU are...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
<3 Mommy